April Fools

April Fools

The only fool here is me.  This is not a woe is me post, but for a while I have been going through stuff in RL, stuff that is actually partly my own doing, but I can’t seem to dig myself back out of this hole I have created… and I run on a cycle with my diets.. I do well for week, I keep it up, then something happens which knocks me or upsets me and I give up again and I just ram everything quick and easy I can find into my face, and it ain’t salad!

I didn’t lose this week, but I didn’t gain either… so I can accept that, but I came out of the meeting on Saturday morning so determined to make this week a winner, to do my very best and let nothing get in my way, yeah that hasn’t gone to plan.  I have had a stupidly tired and sad week so far and I have just fallen apart diet wise.  I either haven’t eaten enough one day, then just ate 500000 points the next.  There is still time to claw it back, so today I am trying to make better choices.

But what is wrong with me? Why can’t I do this for myself?? I hate the way I look, I hate my weight, I hate that I don’t feel fit and I can’t fit into nice clothes and feel comfy, what do I need to do to push myself more?!  A couple of years ago I did this, and I lost weight and I joined a gym and I loved it.. then my life changed a bit and it all fell apart,  I ate, and I stopped moving, and I got depressed and upset all the time and comfort ate and drank a lot to numb the pain on nights when I could… and it’s left me here.   Feeling useless and sad and fat and stupid.

I need to get back on the wagon and drive myself to success.   Cheesey but true.   Maybe this April Fools Day it’s time to stop playing the fool and help myself, cos the only person that can do that is me, apparently.   Although I suck at it.

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One thought on “April Fools

  1. *huggles* you’re doing better than I ever do! I have zero willpower. Also, you’re being far too hard on yourself. For one thing, you’re frickin’ gorgeous 🙂

    Like

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