Stressed.

Stressed.

I am stressed, one of two things happens when I feel this way – I either eat for England, or I barely eat at all, neither of which are good for me!  – I have stuff going on in my RL (don’t we all!) and I have stuff going on at work (again – don’t we all!).  Not many people that read this blog really truly know me, but I feel I am super shy, painfully shy.. until I get to know you and I am comfortable – that being said, I have to deal with people I do not know each and every day and everyone says how confident I come across, bold, chatty, helpful… I just don’t feel it.  I feel I am a people person, but then I am not.  I feel like I am a bit of a paradox.  ANYHOO, I have been asked (and I really didn’t feel I could say no) to join a Working Group at work about some Survey Results (I work in Academia) and I am bricking it!   I read through what we have to do – me and the other volunteer – a really nice chap, but I don’t know him very well, seems confident and chatty tho – and I am SCURRED!   We have to meet with our individual groups within our department which isn’t so bad, I know these people, even if only a smidge, but then.. THEN.. we have to go to a meeting with ALL the other departments and share our findings. OH MY GOD NO. THIS IS MY WORST NIGHTMARE!

I hate hate hate hate HATE standing up in groups and talking if I don’t know people, I tend to use sarcasm and humour to deflect looking like a raging idiot, but that isn’t going to cut it with these lot.  I am not confident and although I am happy I got asked to do this, as they obviously are keen for me to be involved, I kinda want to say “nooothx, can’t do this bai” and run and hide. Man, why didn’t I say no!?

Anyway this is causing me to feel like I can’t eat, because my stomach is doing it’s washing machine impression in the BAD WAY.  I couldn’t even manage my normal routine of a cup of tea and a banana this morning, not for work reasons tho, I woke up at 4am and couldn’t get back to sleep, and I only went to bed at midnight, so I got about 3.5hrs sleep and I am SO FRIGGIN TIRED!

Oh my days, this is a Monday and a HALF.

And it’s weigh in day tomorrow – keep it together, Heather – keep it together.

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