WOOT WOOT!

WOOT WOOT!

HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY! Considering I was panicing (again) about the fact I went to the pub on Sunday and ate my weight in waffle and brownie calzone I am OVER THE MOON!!!   It is SUCH a good feeling to know you can have a good time and still pull it right on back.  I have also started running again, I took a week off – I was tired and ratty and I have discovered in life, if nothing else, it pays to step back if you are not enjoying something and start it again when you feel better – back on the treadmill Monday and LOVED IT.  That much that I signed up and the eldest up for the Colour Run next June! MADNESS!!  But by that time I hope to be able to run 5k without dying,  it is a surprise on the C25k (yeah I dropped the 10k one I was pushing there tbh) when you go from walking/jogging in repetitions of 90 seconds and on week three BOOM 90 jogging, 90 walking, THREE MINUTES jogging, three minutes walking – twice.  THREE MINUTES!

Probably loads of fit ppl reading this going HA! THREE MINUTES! but for a flabby girl with bad knees and a hate for moving faster than 4km an hour unless there is a cake dangling from a string, its TOUGH. But I did it, I  reached out twice to knock it down from 6kmph but I didn’t, I did the full 3 minutes twice without giving in.

So to me, that is a gold star and a HALF!  So last night was a really nice surprise to top off a really stressful day, really nice!

I have been trying to sleep better too, I have got into a pattern of bed between 12-1am and up again between 6-7am and it was killing me, I’ve been in bed by 11pm the last few nights,  and not waking til 7am and slowly I am feeling more human, so sleep definitely is not for the weak, it’s for the sensible.  Although I do fear I am becoming a nan – I have a new found love of beetroot,  cardigans and the urge to learn crochet.

GET OFF MY LAWN!

WELL!

WELL!

Well!  A little gain, but I am ok with it!

Yep, but some absolute miracle I only gained 0.5lbs!  Not too shabby, and I didn’t do my entire C210K last week either because I wasn’t feeling so hot, so I guess maybe if I had have done that as normal I may have had a maintain.  Weird to think of being chuffed about a gain, but I am not chuffed I gained, I am happy to have not gained MORE!

Back on it like a car bonnet this am, although I do need to mix it up a bit, I am getting bored with the same old food all the time, so I have to look up some recipes, get some new ideas, sort out my life so I have time to fit in all the things I want to do, it’ll be ok!

YAY!

Countdown

Countdown

Here we are, it’s weigh day and I know, I don’t think, I KNOW I have gained this week and I am dreading it.

Sounds stupid doesn’t it? You drink a bottle of port then eat like 4 BP garage sandwiches with the meal deal crisps, a mcd’s large meal and then some fried chicken at night you know you’re gonna gain weight, but at the TIME you feel like death so you just don’t care.  Salad isn’t your friend with a hangover, everyone knows that.

But I also haven’t done the start of my C210K running this week yet either, and I feel guilty!  It’s only myself that I am letting down here so I need to build a bridge and job on over it, but I usually do Mon/Weds/Fri – but yesterday I felt like so much ass, today I feel like a bit more ass.  I think I’m getting a cold, there is a nasty virus floating about work so it’s no surprise but this also leads us to NOPESVILLE – when I am ill I do one of two things – eat nothing OR eat everything.  After my weekend of rampaging on food and booze I think I’m in an eat everything mood. NONONO! I CANNOT LET THIS HAPPEN!

I was moaning about it to anyone that would listen and everyone has said the same thing – since being on SW I have lost or maintained EVERY week – if (when) I gain this week then there are a few things to remember:

1.  I will know WHY I gained, because I was a lardo.

2. It will come off again.

3. You’re allowed to fall off the wagon at times, you’re only human.

4. It is NOT the end of the world, it’s a blip – a bad week, don’t let it get you down.

I am not one to blow my own trumpet but I have done well, maybe not as well as I could have done, but I’ve lived whilst eating better, had my slice of pizza and lost, so I know it can be done.  This weekend I wasn’t balanced, that’s my own fault, but it’s ok! ITS OK!

But for the first week ever I am not looking forward to weigh in, but then I am not feeling well either. I considered not going but like I said a few posts back, that helps nothing, the best thing to do when lying in a pool of drool and disappointment after falling off the wagon – is to get right back on it.

It’ll be a gut punch to have to put a + next to my pic this week tho!  I did have a lovely time in London, but next time I think my need to please the scales may outweigh the desire to nod off in a drunken stupor after planting mini burgers on my friend as she’s sleeping.

FOR SURE.

HEY YOU GUISSEEEE!

HEY YOU GUISSEEEE!

I AM SO HAPPY!   I really didn’t think I would have lost this week, I was expecting another maintain week, as I had my daughters party at which I hoovered up Pizza, Sausages and Cake like nobody’s business!  But I think what I have learnt all these weeks now, is that you can have a bit of what you want, if you just don’t go full force mental all week with it.  One day straying a bit off plan isn’t the end of the world, you CAN still lose weight, as long as you remain calm and sensible the rest of the time, and that pleases me greatly.

I have been reading a lot lately about people who have had gastric bands, or bypasses, or are doing the 5:2, or the Cambridge Diet, or even pills.. and I have seen quite a bit of resentment towards people who manage to do it without any of those things, and enjoy it, and it’s really weird.     I haven’t gone on any crazy purges (which I did used to have an issue with), I haven’t had anything fitted, or removed, I haven’t cut everything out of my diet in a bid to lose weight, but that’s whats worked for me.  I am happy with the way I am doing it, and I wouldn’t want to do it any other way.

It all comes back to what I have said before, it doesn’t feel like a diet, it’s a lifestyle change.  I admit I used to hate the idea of eating salad or carrot sticks and houmous for lunch or adding beetroot to things cos EW to all those things.  But now? Now I bloody love those things! Not because I HAVE to, but because I actually enjoy it!  Is it because I am seeing a loss in my weight and a raise in how healthy I feel?? Who knows, but I am seeing it as a blessing.

I am also seeing a lot of fat shaming things, and I am fat, I haven’t always been, but I love food that is bad for me and I hate exercise, so I only have myself to blame. I am trying to be less fat for my confidence, my health and for ME, not for anybody else.  I would never fat shame anyone, I might try and help people who have EXPRESSED they want help with losing weight, by just talking about how I have done it and I am by NO means an expert at all, but I can just say well I do this! and that! and it works –  but the shoe also fits the other foot.  People do “weight loss shame” too,  everyone I have encountered personally have been SO supportive of me, congratulating me, egging me on, telling me to keep with it – but I do read a lot of stuff where people seem negative and jealous that people are doing well, or making a change in their lives.  I guess maybe sometimes people that are losing/have lost weight may come across as condescending, and I do hope I never com across like that – but I think a majority of us are just like OMG YAY ITS WORKING WOOO!  But don’t think that it doesn’t happen the other way around, it does.

There is no shame in being proud of your size, or wanting to be smaller, it’s what works for YOU, yourself – not everyone else.

That being said I do get frustrated when people do not help themselves, do not be surprised if you come to me for advice or help and you are going to ignore every single word I say to you, that I either stop helping you, or want to punch you in teh face.   I get not everything works for everyone, but if you truly want to do it, then commit.  That was always my issue, I couldn’t keep it up, but so far I have lost more than I have on ANY other diet, without feeling on a diet, so I am truly committed.  I am even doing my C210K and I really didnt’ want to the other night, but knew if I didn’t do it one night, I would make excuses for the others and it would snowball and eventually, I’d end up back in the same loop of weight loss then weight gain, and being sad and depressed about my weight again.

Just do your thing, and respect others doing theirs, whatever it is.

Stressed.

Stressed.

I am stressed, one of two things happens when I feel this way – I either eat for England, or I barely eat at all, neither of which are good for me!  – I have stuff going on in my RL (don’t we all!) and I have stuff going on at work (again – don’t we all!).  Not many people that read this blog really truly know me, but I feel I am super shy, painfully shy.. until I get to know you and I am comfortable – that being said, I have to deal with people I do not know each and every day and everyone says how confident I come across, bold, chatty, helpful… I just don’t feel it.  I feel I am a people person, but then I am not.  I feel like I am a bit of a paradox.  ANYHOO, I have been asked (and I really didn’t feel I could say no) to join a Working Group at work about some Survey Results (I work in Academia) and I am bricking it!   I read through what we have to do – me and the other volunteer – a really nice chap, but I don’t know him very well, seems confident and chatty tho – and I am SCURRED!   We have to meet with our individual groups within our department which isn’t so bad, I know these people, even if only a smidge, but then.. THEN.. we have to go to a meeting with ALL the other departments and share our findings. OH MY GOD NO. THIS IS MY WORST NIGHTMARE!

I hate hate hate hate HATE standing up in groups and talking if I don’t know people, I tend to use sarcasm and humour to deflect looking like a raging idiot, but that isn’t going to cut it with these lot.  I am not confident and although I am happy I got asked to do this, as they obviously are keen for me to be involved, I kinda want to say “nooothx, can’t do this bai” and run and hide. Man, why didn’t I say no!?

Anyway this is causing me to feel like I can’t eat, because my stomach is doing it’s washing machine impression in the BAD WAY.  I couldn’t even manage my normal routine of a cup of tea and a banana this morning, not for work reasons tho, I woke up at 4am and couldn’t get back to sleep, and I only went to bed at midnight, so I got about 3.5hrs sleep and I am SO FRIGGIN TIRED!

Oh my days, this is a Monday and a HALF.

And it’s weigh in day tomorrow – keep it together, Heather – keep it together.

Oh dear.

Oh dear.

It’s weigh in day, a day that normally strikes fear into the hearts of dieters all the world over, I normally do not have that fear, alas, today… I do.

I lost my 1st Stone last week, then the kids went away with their grandparents and I suddenly has a week to myself, and it all went a bit wrong.  I didn’t end up planning out dinners like I usually do, instead I skipped one here, ate at Starbucks for one there, and before I knew it I was out with my brother eating all you can eat buffet a PIZZA HUT of all places!!! I told myself I’d have all the free Salad, yeah no, I had pizza.  Not loads, but enough, too much. OH DEAR.

So I am not looking forward to weigh in, I’m telling myself I’ve probably put on 2lbs, I will be happy if its that or lower, well not happy, but I accept it, it’s my fault.  I got lazy and celebratory. SILLY GIRL! THAT ISN’T HOW THIS WORKS!  I even toyed with the idea of not going tonight, it’s my youngests birthday and I was all… ooh thats a good excuse, but I know what I am like, once I let that cog turn in such a way I’ll be not going every other week and shovelling mars bars in non stop.  So I will go, and I will face the music, and I will get back on that horse and lose it all and more for the next week.

Well I already got back on the horse, but I will stay on it.  I won’t let this iffy week defeat me, it was my own fault, choices I made, but thats how it works sometimes, we can’t always be perfect even if we are always in control.  I honestly don’t feel like I am dieting anyway, I just went a bit mad with the boredom of being with no kids and having no need for as much structure! WELL! LESSON LEARNED! I DO NEED STRUCTURE!

I am trying not to beat myself up over a week, I know I can do it! I have done it!  I WILL DO IT AGAIN!

On a side note, I ate a Reeses PB Pumpkin yesterday on a whim, the crashed out on teh sofa for 2 hours and felt like absolute ASS afterwards, that’s put me off chocolate for a bit, at least!

YAY!

1st – GONE!

1st – GONE!

YESSS! It was weigh in day on Tuesday, and I did it! I got to my first stone lost.  I am so happy!  So happy I celebrated by eating things I shouldn’t have today! But I figured today is the best day to get it out of my system.  I wasn’t expecting the loss, I was expecting A loss, just not one to get me to reach my very first goal!

I can’t tell you how motivated I am to keep it up, it’s the fastest I’ve ever lost a stone since the last time I did SW properly.  God bless SW and all who sail in her! YAY!