I decided (again) to start a RL blog, I have various dotted over the place but none I have actually stuck to for any length of time, but I feel I probably should for encouragement and well… just getting the feels out.
I read a plurk today that I don’t think was aimed at me, but I know I can relate to and it really made me think. Am I being PITY ME all the time? For the past couple of years I have been going through a few changes in my RL that has caused a lot of pain as well as a lot of misery but also I have experienced things I’ve always felt I was missing out on, and had some of the best times and it hasn’t been easy, not at all, it still isn’t. I needed change in my life (or thought I did) so I went out and I changed some stuff, not in a case of grass is greener, I am not that naive, but a case of the grass is a different green. Of course the grass is a different green, it’s 50 shades of green or more, but each patch of grass you water comes with it’s own negatives as well as positives and I found that out, over and over again.
It’s left me feeling very emotionally wary and a little bit bewildered with myself to be honest. A few years ago I was happy with the way my life was going, then all of a sudden I had this “I need to find me” moment and now.. now I am not. I’ve put on a lot of weight, I have a lot more grey hairs and I am very down on myself as a person both mentally and physically. This is what I need to change.
SO! What am I doing you ask? Well for ages I’ve just been sat here whinging about it to my close friends and just letting a lot of rage and sadness build, but it’s got to a point where big changes are happening, changes that will hurt but will push me once and for all to “sort my life out” as I like to put it, one way or another.
I am starting WeightWatchers classes again Saturday, because I cannot do it myself, I have tried and failed. I have also found a ladies only gym that I am super interested in after I sort my finances out, and I am looking at evening classes to further skills in things I enjoy.
I am a bit of a negative nancy, but not in a pity me way, or thats not how I mean it to come across, I just.. I am unhappy with my life but I know that there is only one person to change that, and that is me.
I have beautiful kids that stress me out but have their health (mostly), I have my health (mostly), I have a lot of friends and family around me that love me an are there for me, I have a roof over my head, food in my belly (too much! HA!), I have a job (even if it sends me loopy at times).. I have gorgeous pets, I have a lot of things that I am thankful for that sometimes make life hard, but make it worthwhile too.
I also just tried my swimmers on and they fit! YAY! So thanks for putting up with me and all my whinging whether you are on my FB, plurk, or just have me in your ear, you do more help than you realise with a situation that really, you know nothing about. Because not all of us know everything about what a person is going through, big or small, because not everyone tells everyone everything, and that is something I need to remember myself during my intolerant times