Plodding on.

Plodding on.

Here I am,  plodding on!  

I said when I started going to classes I’d not get on the scales at home,  we all know scales can be off and I told myself nope,  wait until you go the class and let that me your only time on the scales,  don’t be ruled by it.  So weigh in..  It’s kinda like a Kinder Egg,  a really shitty kinder egg with no chocolate,  no toy but if you’re lucky perhaps carrying around a little less fat.

I’ve not done so great yet today as I’ve been out and about,  I’ve had fruit,  coffee,  a slice of toast and then my stomach wigged out and I had a packet of crisps.   One of my faves,  Seabrooks Sea Salted.   Only a small bag from a multipack,  won’t be too bad.   FIVE BLOODY POINTS!! oh well,  they were great, and I shared with the dog.

In most aspects of life I am and always have beeb fairly organised,  but lately with everything going on around me I’ve just lost the art of concentration and general common sense seems to have seeped from my brain and been replaced with gibberish.

I need to plan,  meal plan,  snack plan,  life plan.  Planning is key.   Oh I guess I also have to accept my shitty Kinder Egg weigh in is better for me than a chocolate one,  so acceptance and planning.  That’s what I need.

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It’s Hump Day!

It’s Hump Day!

I am half way through my first week back counting EVERYTHING I put into my mouth, and I haven’t murdered anyone yet.

Actually that isn’t true, I almost murdered someone last night when I went to my cupboards and wanted to find my Chocolate Hot Shot to give my pudding a hint of chocolate to find it had GONE. TUT.

I need to get myself back into the routine of smoothies for breakfast, but at the minute I just tend to grab some fruit then have another piece of fruit with my 10am coffee (skimmed, of course), so yesterday was quite a low points day.  Fruit for Brekkie, 2 points of Soup for Lunch with yet more Fruit, and then that left me with an astonishing amount of points for Tea!  Not a bad thing, except Tuesdays are so long for me, I finish work at 5pm, but my youngest has her Rainbows group at 5.30pm-6.30pm, so my SiL brings her to my workplace, we snack her and my niece up, we deliver them to Rainbows and by the time I am home its 5.45pm, then I have to make sure my adorable yet incontinent little pug hasn’t crapped the hell out of the house as soon as I am home and of course by then the Teen is normally dying of starvation, so by the time I have finished faffing, found time to use the toilet, check my post and breathe I have to leave again to pick her up which means my day seems SO long, and by the time I am home and I am sorted I don’t feel like prepping a big dinner.

My plan in future is to slow cook something on Tuesdays, but last night I was like “crap” because I had so many points and nothing I really wanted to eat.  My youngest requested Fishfingers and Smiley Faces, AHA! I thought.. FISHFINGER SANDWICHES.  So thats what I did – and they were bloody delightful.

Dieting isn’t always about eating the best looking salad, avoiding all fats and fried foods, it’s about balance and I really bloody loved my Fishfinger Sarnie! – OK I have an air-fryer so nothing is deep fried, but still.  I am loving the fact that I can still eat the silly things, along with the healthy, it’s just all about the balance.

My BIG FAT DIARY

My BIG FAT DIARY

Actually no.

I did it, I got myself up and out bright and early on a Saturday AM and I joined the local Weightwatchers meeting. I needed to do it, I need the support (aka the shame of someone weighing me).  I was, however, pleasantly surprised to find I weighed nearly 7lbs less than I thought I did, so that was nice!

The leader is lovely and the group seem really nice, and we don’t have to sit around in a circle and talk about ourselves, which is a winner in my book.  I was really pleased I went, and I started counting points right away!   I did stumble a bit on Saturday night as I went out, and I did eat, and I did drink… but I pointed it all and started back on Sunday fresh as a daisy!

My experiments with Jar Salads and Soups will continue, I am in a soupy mood at the moment, so I dug out my soupmaker yesterday and threw in a random selection – Potatoes, Mushrooms, Vege Stock, Onion and some Chorizo I found floating about (not literally, ew) and all in all it tasted pretty good, and was only 7 points for over a litre of delicious soup, which will last me three days,  GET IN!

This is my soup in all its glory

And to quote my brother “Aren’t I lucky? I got a chunky bit” – bonus points if you get the film reference.

Hello, World

Hello, World

Hi!

I decided (again) to start a RL blog, I have various dotted over the place but none I have actually stuck to for any length of time, but I feel I probably should for encouragement and well… just getting the feels out.

I read a plurk today that I don’t think was aimed at me, but I know I can relate to and it really made me think. Am I being PITY ME all the time? For the past couple of years I have been going through a few changes in my RL that has caused a lot of pain as well as a lot of misery but also I have experienced things I’ve always felt I was missing out on, and had some of the best times and it hasn’t been easy, not at all, it still isn’t. I needed change in my life (or thought I did) so I went out and I changed some stuff, not in a case of grass is greener, I am not that naive, but a case of the grass is a different green. Of course the grass is a different green, it’s 50 shades of green or more, but each patch of grass you water comes with it’s own negatives as well as positives and I found that out, over and over again.

It’s left me feeling very emotionally wary and a little bit bewildered with myself to be honest. A few years ago I was happy with the way my life was going, then all of a sudden I had this “I need to find me” moment and now.. now I am not. I’ve put on a lot of weight, I have a lot more grey hairs and I am very down on myself as a person both mentally and physically. This is what I need to change.

SO! What am I doing you ask? Well for ages I’ve just been sat here whinging about it to my close friends and just letting a lot of rage and sadness build, but it’s got to a point where big changes are happening, changes that will hurt but will push me once and for all to “sort my life out” as I like to put it, one way or another.

I am starting WeightWatchers classes again Saturday, because I cannot do it myself, I have tried and failed. I have also found a ladies only gym that I am super interested in after I sort my finances out, and I am looking at evening classes to further skills in things I enjoy.

I am a bit of a negative nancy, but not in a pity me way, or thats not how I mean it to come across, I just.. I am unhappy with my life but I know that there is only one person to change that, and that is me.

I have beautiful kids that stress me out but have their health (mostly), I have my health (mostly), I have a lot of friends and family around me that love me an are there for me, I have a roof over my head, food in my belly (too much! HA!), I have a job (even if it sends me loopy at times).. I have gorgeous pets, I have a lot of things that I am thankful for that sometimes make life hard, but make it worthwhile too.

I also just tried my swimmers on and they fit! YAY!     So thanks for putting up with me and all my whinging whether you are on my FB, plurk, or just have me in your ear, you do more help than you realise with a situation that really, you know nothing about. Because not all of us know everything about what a person is going through, big or small, because not everyone tells everyone everything, and that is something I need to remember myself during my intolerant times