Friday at LAST!

Friday at LAST!

This week has marked my first week back at work and not on a rota albeit it only mornings at the moment. I work in a school you see, so with the whole rona situation life has been somewhat topsy turvy and all over the shop!

It’s both good and bad to be back. Good because I needed to come back and see people, any people, other people! GIVE ME PEOPLE! I also really like my job – so it’s good to be back. The bad side is I think all schools are opening WAY too soon and I really wish the government had thought about it a little bit more and listened to SAGE – you know – the people who know what they’re talking about. It is what it is though and after the goings on of the last few months I am happy to be back in a place where I can forget about life for just a little while.

I am supposed to be going to uni in Sept! I mean who knows what is happening with the way things are at the moment, but I have secured my place and my funding and I am ready to go – I am both excited and scared. I have gone through life not really knowing what I want out of it. I have never really been career minded at all, I am still not! But the end game plan is to have a degree and sadly, these days, many jobs require one so they’re good to have.

My degree will be in Teaching and Learning. NOT teaching – I repeat NOT teaching. I can get to the end of the three year course and decide I want to teach and do my NQT year to be a teacher – but I don’t have to. There are lots of other areas to explore: educational psychology, youth and childhood studies, social work and apparently many many more. I just don’t know right now what I want to do, seems to be the story of my life. I am currently retaking my Biology GCSE as my GCSES were quite shocking – I didn’t care much at the time – I had a boyfriend and wasn’t interested in learning. Hindsight is a wonderful thing! Oh em GEE! I love Biology I do! I love the foundations of it but knowing the ins and outs of it is absolutely ROCK HARD. Jesus there is so much to remember and stuff I NEVER remember learning in the past just sits there on the page staring at me like it’s inviting me to fight it and I just cower in front of the page and hide. I don’t envy children these days, so much has changed, has it got harder or have I just put it in a little box, locked it away and thrown it FAR FAR AWAY?

I remember my mum and dad and various other people telling me “school days are the best days of your life!” OH HOW I SCOFFED! Absolutely mental to say that! MENTAL! But now I hear myself saying it to my own kids and the kids I work with because it’s true! Sure these days kids have it a lot different – they can’t just pop out on the streets and play because it’s not safe. They don’t have to wait until 6pm to make a phone call because it’s cheap. They don’t have to make arrangements for meeting up somewhere at a certain time on a certain day during the holidays and hoping people turn up because they do all this on social media! There is no GRRRCRRSZZZZZ sound as they connect to the internet. They don’t pop on AOL and go into “The Pub” thinking they’re the bees knees. They don’t know what an ICQ number is. I don’t know if its a good or bad thing. I am going to go with BAD. Mental to think of the time I spent in the virtual pub talking to people I didn’t know, but it was a community! I made friends. Internet trolls hadn’t really come about in a massive way then so it was a relatively safe haven. Hey I moved to Manchester at 18 and had NO CLUE how to use a washing machine. What did I do? I popped on AOL and into “The Pub” and someone told me.

Ah life was simpler then, sometimes I wish I had a time machine. Would I change a lot? Nope, but would I change somethings? Hell yes. I have made bad choices in life at times, who hasn’t? But I’ve also made good ones.

I dunno what this ramble was but ho hum, it’s my mind spilling out and here it is.


Hello, world.

Hello, world.

Hello, it’s a me – Heather.

I haven’t been here for some time, I have been slacking – or not slacking and doing other things if I am honest with myself, but I feel the urge to write again, even if just to get my thoughts down on paper.

Life is not being particularly kind right now. My dad was diagnosed with bowel cancer last year, he had an op and that was that. We then discovered it had spread to his liver and lungs. Yes – that – type of cancer. Great. Now, any type of cancer is crap, utter and complete CRAP. But anyway, he has just had an op on his liver, well not just, a month ago now and he is STILL in hospital. They took 70% of his liver and now it doesn’t work, at all.

So yes, life is pretty rough right now and I feel helpless. I am going through the motions and going to work, coming home, trying to be a good mum and honestly I am not sure I am doing well at anything but what can you do but try?

I am feeling very woe is me, I am angry at the world for choosing such an awesome person to give his horrific disease to, as I am sure many people feel about it – all the bad, horrible people in the world that do not deserve it (wouldn’t wish it on anyone) – yet the good people seem to be first in line to suffer. It’s not ok. I am not ok. HE is not ok. Nothing is ok.

I sit here writing this and I am rambling, I am tired and I am done with so much, but I can’t be – I have a job, I have kids, I have my mum and brother to think of and of course, my dad. If they are all holding it together then I must do the same, because life is not a cake walk, but GOSH is it crap!

I have had a good cry at work, I have a cold coming which is making me more woe is me than usual. But I know if I come here and just TALK, get it out, not even just this – but anything – I will hopefully feel better.