Hello, it’s a me – Heather.
I haven’t been here for some time, I have been slacking – or not slacking and doing other things if I am honest with myself, but I feel the urge to write again, even if just to get my thoughts down on paper.
Life is not being particularly kind right now. My dad was diagnosed with bowel cancer last year, he had an op and that was that. We then discovered it had spread to his liver and lungs. Yes – that – type of cancer. Great. Now, any type of cancer is crap, utter and complete CRAP. But anyway, he has just had an op on his liver, well not just, a month ago now and he is STILL in hospital. They took 70% of his liver and now it doesn’t work, at all.
So yes, life is pretty rough right now and I feel helpless. I am going through the motions and going to work, coming home, trying to be a good mum and honestly I am not sure I am doing well at anything but what can you do but try?
I am feeling very woe is me, I am angry at the world for choosing such an awesome person to give his horrific disease to, as I am sure many people feel about it – all the bad, horrible people in the world that do not deserve it (wouldn’t wish it on anyone) – yet the good people seem to be first in line to suffer. It’s not ok. I am not ok. HE is not ok. Nothing is ok.
I sit here writing this and I am rambling, I am tired and I am done with so much, but I can’t be – I have a job, I have kids, I have my mum and brother to think of and of course, my dad. If they are all holding it together then I must do the same, because life is not a cake walk, but GOSH is it crap!
I have had a good cry at work, I have a cold coming which is making me more woe is me than usual. But I know if I come here and just TALK, get it out, not even just this – but anything – I will hopefully feel better.